Thursday, July 8:
In the morning settled the Munich furniture-removal arrangements with Richter; he will supervise the packing. At breakfast discussed possible ways of regularizing Hans’s position: he should take over the musical management, should no longer have such wretched men as Perfall over him. Then with the children, R. to his work.
When I go to him, he says jokingly, “I love only my enemies, my friends I hate; that goes even beyond Christianity!” Wrote to Anna in Munich. At midday a letter from Dr. Lang; he again invites R. to write for the Norddeutsche Zeitung.
After lunch R. wanted to play something from his sketches, but then did not feel in the mood. I suggested reading his Parsifal draft and did so, amid occasional tears. I could feel deep within myself the purifying and ennobling effect which such sublime things have on us. To R[ichter] it was all completely new, and he listened in great emotion.
We were interrupted by a visit from the eye specialist, great happiness over his pleasure at the improvement of the trouble; like a lightning flash Fate has once more revealed to me the abyss on whose edge we are always so blindly standing.
R. goes out with Richter in a fine mood of exhilaration; Loldi and Eva come toward us, the elder children are on the swing. “Bless you,” he calls out to me! I feel blessed, I am blessed. Oh, my children, if we still have much suffering to bear together, bear it bravely with me, and if Fate appears to deal more harshly with you because your mother broke with the world, be proudly glad that you can atone that one sin for her!
To the children once more, supervised Lulu’s piano practice, then at 8 o’clock go to meet R. and Richter. In the evening said farewell to R[ichter]; he will resign his position if Hans really goes. Late, worrying thoughts about Hans. R. told me he had felt so happy today. I think with hope of later times, when the children will be grown up and perhaps will be able to compensate for many things, if only heavy blows do not fall in the meantime.
Good night, you sublime, good, great being whom I love, whom I serve; good night, my children; good night, Hans, on whom I have brought so much sorrow. I dream of worlds in which we shall all come together and love one another!