Friday, January 22:
Sleepless night; if only I did not have these heavy thoughts! At times I feel that I shall go mad. How to get possession of the children without leaving R.? This I cannot, must not do.
In the morning R. sees in my face how I am suffering and suggests we go to the South. But I fear any disturbance in his situation and still hope that I shall recover. Our discussion about this is interrupted by a telegram from Mitterwurzer reporting that Die Meistersinger was a huge success in Dresden yesterday. Our nephew Clemens also telegraphed. It brought us great joy; perhaps Berlin will now have to do it.
The sun is shining, for the first time in many days; if my children were with me I should be accounted happy, indeed overhappy, such as one has no right to expect here below, even when one renounces the world entirely.
After lunch, letters. Pasdeloup reports that the rehearsals for Rienzi have started after all; and arrival of the Italian Holländer score, which again brings much vexation.
In the evening R.’s deep dissatisfaction with his artistic life. To conclude, Henry VI, Part II—fearful impression, impossible to describe.