The tears are almost running down my cheeks; I am as unhappy as one can possibly imagine. You saw no more than the shadow of me when I visited you last. At this very moment, it shows the remarkable sympathy between us, I receive a letter from you, but I will not open it till I have told you of the emotion which forced me to write to you, lest new impressions should distract me. I have been reading in Laube about Verona, about Vicenza and its Palladio; oh, the bitter longing to unburden myself of what I carry within me is almost killing me! How negligent, how immeasurably indolent, I have been! Sunk in my miserable little affairs, I am no higher up now than I was years ago. Oh, the shame of it! Oh, this wretched world!
I am handicapped with a ton's weight even in my own ordinary activities, for the business side of our theatre is scandalously mismanaged. I have been unable to do a thing since I came back, as the whole personnel of the opera is away. Sickening waste of time, feeble efforts to work off my energies, chained to a miserable existence. If I had money I would take over the management of the theatre if only to get something done. Still no prospect of Italy! There must be a change, and I am now going to attack my new opera Das Liebesverbot with firm resolution and keep at it till I have made a speedy end of it; it must be ready for production before Easter. I must summon up all my powers and try to stifle my pain and misery or I shall come to ruin. You will never see me again as you saw me last; I shall stagnate unless I put forth all my powers though I burst! God! I am already over twenty-one, and no farther, scarcely, than when I was eighteen! Oh, let us but get to Italy and may God give us strength!
I will open your letter now. "We bewail your fortune, Master." Oh, unhappy man, how I pity you! I may well dispense comfort to you out of my good fortune! I should like to play a mad prank. If I had money I would get control of the theatre here and produce Columbus and Die Feen, let the finances go to the devil, and then do away with myself. Finish your Columbus and come here, come! That is all I look to for comfort. Something must happen or I shall pine away. I shall have something to tell you later about the sympathy between our two letters! Marvellous! I am, Richard Wagner.
Richard Wagner
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Volume 1, ed. Altmann/Hull (London: Dent, 1927), No. 10