Having conceived the idea of using the problematic profits on my operas to carry out a long-cherished wish of mine, the purchase of a small piece of land, I had consequently to ask you about your dear family's intentions with regard to the income assigned to me: whether you intended to support me thereby for a time only, or for as long as I lived and your means remained the same, since I could of course contemplate using my takings from the theatres for the purpose indicated only upon the latter hypothesis. The answer sounded reassuring, but since then my other hopes have so dwindled that I have almost been obliged to abandon my project entirely, even though Wesendonck, a young and wealthy merchant living here and friendly to me, has offered most kindly and almost unasked to advance the necessary money to purchase the plot. I feel too keenly that the acceptance of such an offer would place me in the horrible position of having to press for the performance of my operas at all costs and of forfeiting the right, so necessary to me, of complying with the wishes and demands of the theatres only where I am able to foresee a good result in my sense of the word. Moreover things are not moving nearly so quickly here as they seemed likely to do at first, and I think I do well to be equally prepared, either for complete silence on the part of the theatres, or for a possibly more urgent demand. Under such conditions I feel more strongly than ever the value of your family's bounty, for it is this income alone which preserves my freedom and as much happiness as possible in my undertakings. Please be assured once again that I regard your care for me as the greatest benefit that I have ever experienced in my life.
As to the other circumstances of my life let me be silent. I live in an environment which forces me, the most communicative of men, constantly to crush back every instinct of communication into my innermost heart. Without outward relief, I am driven to feed on myself, to surrender myself wholly to the allurements of my own painfully over-stimulated artist's soul. No wonder that I am not particularly well.
Richard Wagner
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Volume 1, ed. Altmann/Hull (London: Dent, 1927), No. 233