Saturday, April 10:
Woke up fresh after a good night; sunshine, birdsong, with this thoughts about the children. Overwhelming melancholy, but then the firm resolve to digest and overcome it all inwardly, so that R. does not suffer by it.
At breakfast R. reads me a letter which he had just received from Hans, who is living there isolated in the midst of the most despicable intrigues. It broke my heart and I spent the whole morning weeping and sobbing and reflecting.
In the afternoon I wrote a complete account of things to the King. At ten in the morning Loldi was wished many happy returns and given her presents. Then family lunch and afterward read some of the report by Frederick the Great’s doctor. Splendid impression.
R. walks into town with Loulou; I stay behind with the three other children and play with them. There is a ton weight on my heart.
From the town R. brings a letter from Mme Flaxland; in a very silly way she informs him that the Jewish pamphlet is detrimental to the success of Rienzi. There are no human beings left, just “pieces of paper”!
In the evening read more of the little medical book, quite powerfully moved by several passages. I go to bed with most despondent thoughts. I feel as if I shall never be gay again; yet I do not wish for death, I see only too well how indispensable I am to the children, and perhaps life will show mercy on me after all, so that I can help!
Good night, my children, good night, my beloved, good night, poor Hans. If tears are of any value to the gods, you must all be granted peace, since I have wept for you all most sorely.