I am living here like a damned soul in hell! I did not think I should ever again be obliged to sink so low. It is impossible to describe how poorly I think of myself for putting up with conditions so repellent to me, and I realise that it was no less than a sin and a crime to accept this London invitation, which must, even at the best, have led me far out of my true path. Neither does the orchestra offer me any compensation. A public, which, as I am assured on all hands, is very well disposed to me and yet can never be carried out of itself. Added to this, this ridiculous Mendelssohn cult, the whole brazen sanctimoniousness of this absurd people! I am increasingly losing all desire to work. I wanted to finish the score of The Valkyrie in the four months here, but there is no question of that any longer; I shall not even finish the second act, I am so horribly dispirited by my vile situation. I wanted to begin Young Siegfried at Seelisberg on the Lake of Lucerne in July, but I am now considering postponing this beginning till next spring! This disinclination for work is the worst of all; with it I feel as if eternal night were closing in upon me, for what else in the world is there left for me to do if I cannot work? For company through this hell I have the study of Dante, which I never achieved till now.
Everything else also is perpetually going awry. Poor Klindworth has been very ill all the time, so that I have been deprived of the stimulus of being able to do things with him; he is a little better now but he cannot go for walks with me yet. Apart from him, my entire acquaintance is limited to Sainton and one Liuders who lives with him. Both are on fire with devotion to me and do their very best to make my stay here pleasant. I often go to see Praeger, too, a good soul. Recently, a Mr. Ellerton, a rich amateur, has attached himself very warmly to me. He has heard my operas in Germany and has had my portrait on his walls these two years. He is the first Englishman who does not think much of Mendelssohn. He is a fine, likeable fellow. Klindworth has done the pianoforte arrangement of Act I of The Valkyrie and plays it famously. Unfortunately I have completely lost my voice here and cannot sing properly.
You will have to make up for it thoroughly next September; you are deeply in debt to me, you reserved fellow! If there is anything in my future which I can still look forward to as a pure pleasure, it is the introduction through you to your new compositions! Do not forget any of them! I congratulate you with all my heart on your Mass; it must be really splendid. May you have much joy of it at Gran!
Richard Wagner
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Volume 1, ed. Altmann/Hull (London: Dent, 1927), No. 281