Zurich, 6th May, 1857. My first letter from my new dwelling is for you, from whom came the first letter I received here. That first letter, coming to me in my latest place of retreat, was so remarkable an omen for me that it filled me with inexpressibly blessed emotion. Let me tell you a little about it! The sorrow with which I have thought of you all this time, the deep heartfelt grief which has rankled in me, must remain my secret. I could only keep on asking myself how it might be possible to get to see you. The fact that we saw each other seven years ago, for a very short time only and under freedom-fettering conditions, and that we have never been able to come face to face with each other again since then - that is what I have to deplore as my worst misfortune in regard to you.
Believe me, it was a deep-seated need which made me try so often to persuade you to choose Switzerland for your dwelling-place, or at least to visit it more frequently. I felt that this was necessary to secure our friendship on a real personal basis. It is you, after all, who are really nearest to me of all your family; for only your age and the freedom of character you have attained can make it possible for you to cherish that limitless indulgence towards the angularities of my nature which such as I need so much if we are to succeed in maintaining the great patience and endurance necessary in our contacts with a world radically hostile, foreign and injurious to us. The great and wide sympathy with my position upon which this attitude depends is no doubt the basis of your love for me; it is only so that your great, self-sacrificing loyalty and affection can be explained. Through it you would surely find the further strength to overlook, in personal intercourse with me, the many roughnesses of my outward manner and to cling steadily to that by which, even in personal intercourse, I am able to compensate for all my asperities. And you of all people - that is what I want to say - you could understand me more clearly than younger people could, who are themselves still too deeply involved in egotistic desires, and in striving to carve their own way, to make the solacing and salvation-bringing adjustments necessary to me. Consequently it was always a grief to me to be obliged to remain so far away from you - perhaps even to be a stranger to you personally - and all the more so as our most obvious link was essentially unfitted to take your place in this respect. And so forgive my touching upon it once more! My first thought on reading through your last letter last year was, "Oh, if only you could be near her for a while!" Let me tell you, in few words, what a number of anxious or longing thoughts have troubled me all through this winter, when my mind was on you! My health, which you inquire about so sympathetically, always fails me of course when it is most important for me to set my mind free. It is true that I have to thank my excellent doctor, Dr. Vaillant, who treated me last summer at Mornex, for freedom from the horrible erysipelas and the right injunctions as to how to keep well, but I was rash enough, while following his otherwise very profitable prescriptions, to work, uninterruptedly and particularly hard, with the result that I finally brought upon myself great weakness and prostration.
In Dresden everything seems to remain barred and bolted against me and the good Grand Duke of Weimar will not stir me to illusory hopes so easily a second time. In every quarter, and in this last opening also, there is nothing for me beyond words - fair words; and as you are quite determined not to be rid of me, I may tell you that in this regard your persistence is a very good thing for me. If you persist for a while - or until my circumstances change in this respect - in lending me your support, I may tell you in return that it is my sole secure source of income and is a great consolation to me at this particular moment since, for reasons deeply rooted in our relationship, I could never reconcile it with my sense of honour, after the great and friendly service from Wesendonck, ever again to lay claim to my neighbour's help for my livelihood. If you would like to hear another piece of good news from me, let me tell you that though I have only completed the first act of Siegfried this winter, when I was much hindered, first by Liszt's visit and afterwards by great nervous prostration, I have succeeded with it beyond all expectations. It was quite new ground for me, and after the terrible tragedy of The Valkyrie I entered upon it with a sense of fresh delight such as I have never felt before. The first act having taken shape I am now convinced that Young Siegfried is likely to become very speedily and fortunately my most popular work, bringing all the other pieces in its train, so that he will very probably be the founder of my whole Nibelungs dynasty. The first performance of the whole work, however, will probably not be before 1860. For the rest, my work will no longer be disturbed. In the first place I shall not leave my beautiful refuge this summer until Siegfried is quite finished. Then may Heaven bless next year for the last piece - once that is finished, ah well, I have so many more subjects in my head that I would rather not have to think of the production even then!
Richard Wagner
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Volume 1, ed. Altmann/Hull (London: Dent, 1927), No. 333