What should I do to cheer you up — poor invalid? I gave the programme [Philh.] with the translations to Eschenburg [professor of English at Zurich] ; but how shall that profit you ? Otto must at once procure you " Indian Legends edited by Adolf Holtzmann, Stuttgart." I brought them to London with me : their reading has been my only pleasure here. All are beautiful : but — Sawitri is divine, and if you wish to find out my religion, read Usinar. How shamed stands our whole Culture by these purest revelations of noblest humanity in the ancient East ! — At present I'm reading a canto of Dante every morning ere I set to work : I'm still stuck deep in Hell ; its horrors accompany my prosecution of the second act of Walkiire. Fricka has just gone off, and Wodan must now give vent to his terrible woe. Beyond this second act I shall in no case get here ; I can work but very slowly, and each day brings some fresh upset to contend with. — My London experiences are determining me to withdraw from public music-making altogether, for some years to come : this concert-conducting must have an end. So don't let our Zurich gentry put themselves to any expense on my account ! I now need total inner equilibrium, to complete my big work ; for which, as a grotesque chimera, I fear this eternal outrageous contact with the inadequate and insufficient might easily put me out of sorts. — To enliven yourself, just reckon up how many fugues ought to appear in my London oratorio, whether * * * * * should wear white or black kid-gloves, and if the Magdalene should carry a bouquet or fan. When you have settled these important points, we'll go into it farther. To-day is my fourth concert : the A major symphony (which at any rate will not go anything like so well as at Zurich), and with it a number of lovely things I never dreamt of having to conduct again in my life. However, I'm fortified for it all by the certainty that this — will have been the last time. — Best wishes to Otto, whom I heartily thank for his last kind letter : if it really amuses him, I'll write him once more. Is Marie [sister of Frau Wk] not coming to you soon ? — To-morrow, after the concert, I shall write my wife : she won't have any mighty news to give you, though. Kind love to Myrrhatoo [the Wesendoncks" little girl]! Farewell, and — keep your spirits up! London, April 30, 1855.
Richard Wagner
Source: Richard Wagner to Mathilde Wesendonck, translated by Ellis, No. 17