Paris, Sept. 23, 59* " Ich sauge nur die Siissigkeit, Das Gift, das lags' ich drin."t A careless child thus bantered me some years ago : she has tasted since the bane of Care. But the little bee thrust in her sting, to boot ; 'twas the spur to the best and noblest. She left it buried in my soul ; and was the bane so bad? — Lady-friend, it is the latest years of my life that really have matured me to a man ; I feel at perfect harmony with myself, and whenever the True is at stake my will stands firm and fast. As for material life, I cheerfully allow myself to be guided by my instinct : something higher is meant with me, than the mere value of my personality. This knowledge is so rooted in me, that with a smile I scarcely ask myself at times an I will a thing or no ; that care is taken by the curious genie whom I serve for this remainder of my life, and who intends me to finish what only I can bring about. Deep calm, then, is within me : the surging of the surface waves has nothing to do with my channel. I am — what I can be ! — thanks, Lady-friend, to you. — t " I sip alone the honey, leave the bane behind."— Tr. Now what will you say, when you hear I'm hard at work already? — The young man who has made a translation of the Tannhäuser [Chaiiemei?] gave it me to look through. After a fleeting glance I let it fall, and told myself: Impossible! Therewith a heavy load was shaken off, namely the thought of a French Tannhäuser, and I breathed anew. Yet that was only my person : the other, my daemon — my genius ? — said to me : " Thou seest how incapable this Frenchman is — or any one else, for that matter — of translating thy poem ; consequently thou'lt simply prevent thy work being given in France at all. But how when thou art dead, and thy works at last commence to live? How, when one has not to ask thy consent, but produces thy Tannhäuser in just such another translation |as lies before thee and has been wreaked already on the noblest German poems (Faust for instance) with just as little understanding ? " Ah, child ! such a possible immortality in prospectu is a daemon of peculiar sort, and lands us in the selfsame cares that fasten a mother and father to the welfare of their children far beyond their own term of life. I alone can contribute to a perfectly good translation of my works : therefore a duty lies in it I cannot forfend. So I seat myself with my young poet every morning, go over verse by verse, word after word, syllable by syllable ; seek with him, often by the hour, for the best turn of speech, the right word ; sing it to him, and make him thus clairvoyant to a world that hitherto was wholly shut to him. Well, his zeal rejoices me, his rising enthusiasm, his frank confession of his previous blindness, — and — we shall see ! At least I know I'm providing for the future of my child as well as I am able ! — Otherwise I haven't gone much about as yet. My life stays the same, at Lucerne or in Paris. The outer rind can alter nothing in me : and just that pleases me. — Sept. 24. My Frenchman came [i.e. where the letter broke off] ; in defiance of a little feverishness, I worked somewhat too ardently with him, and — he left me very tired : to-day I awoke to the light with a strong catarrhal fever. Your and Wesendonck's letter has delighted me ; give him my hearty thanks ! That folk should be seeking me now that I've gone, is quite in order : the world only seeks one when it suits it ; as soon as I have gone completely, folk will probably seek me the most. Father Heim must have made quite an excellent Posa [Don Carlos] ; the kind-heartedness of such adherents is always a joy, even though one can't suppress a smile at indissoluble misunderstandings. I have seen nothing at all of Biilow's letter on Tristan.* A Countess Charnacd, daughter of Madame A., had received word from her mother, and invited me to tea : I have been unable to go as yet ; now the young lady is highly commended to me from Berlin [by Biilow]. A more important point at present is that of my abode ; for it was to " abide " somewhere again, that I came to Paris. For the nonce I'm merely in a logis garni : I still am seeking an unfurnished house. But, together with the abode, I have yet another weighty " settlement " to think of. Lady-friend, I have searched my heart, and determined to carry out my resolution with the highest moral force that I have gained ; yet I need a few easements towards it. I am looking forward with delight to the uncommonly clever, good and loving little dog [Fips] you once sent into my home from your sickbed ; it will go for walks with me once more, and when I come home after tiresome business it will run like a friend to accost me. But please now procure me another good house-sprite, select me a servant ; you know what need I thus express. Your present porter's kind face pleased me much : what has become of his predecessor, who was such a favourite in the house ? Without hurting your own interests too much, could you not effect an arrangement in my favour there ? I want to make my household as congenial to me as possible : I would rather not fix anything about the female part of it, however ; otherwise I should already have opened the Parisian colony to Vreneli. I insist upon my wife's picking out and bringing with her a girl of education, partly to attend to her, partly to keep her company. Beyond that, I have a cook to engage, for whom Madame Herold [widow of the composer] is going to look out. Accordingly the man-servant would have as his duties the tidying of the rooms (which the garcon always does in Paris), cleaning of silver etc., waiting at table, running on errands, and further, my valeting, especially at the bath ; on journeys he would accompany me, and look after my luggage. These attentions I greatly lack : looking after such things myself I always bustle far too much, get uselessly excited, catch cold, and so on. And above all : I so need a pleasant, sympathetic human soul about me, were it only as my servant. — Now then : lend a kind ear to this plea. The man could enter any moment. — So it's a case of providing a Zwieback once more, and a big one this time ! — As for my outward lot, I am sure it will shape quite endurably. Upon that side I'm still on the ascending plane now ; and latterly it seems as if the ascent would even be fairly rapid, — at least, according to a conversation yesterday with the director of the Theatre lyrique (a really pleasant, decent sort of man), it lies in my own hands how soon I will make even a Paris fortune. I shan't mind, though, if everything will only serve to keep me in good trim this winter, so that I may visit my dear Switzerland next Spring ; for there alone can Siegfried wake Briinnhilde, — in Paris it would scarcely do, you know. — From Carlsruhe I'm expecting a very circumstantial answer very soon, on many points : I insist upon everything being taken very strictly there. I may thereby place those gentry in embarrassment enough; but it can't be helped,— the fruit of Tristan is no easy one to pluck. How good it would be of you, children, if you sent me a photograph of the Green Hill : that was indeed a capital idea ! I still regret not having sent you my Venetian palace. I have much more [to tell you] concerning what we lately spoke about ; but I'll save it for another time. To Frau Wille I really will write soon : we could not see each other this time ; but I'll offer her amends. — Now let me exorcise my fever for good and all by rest and reading (Plutarch). I shall hear from you soon again, perhaps even through Fridolin* Kindest wishes to cousin and children, deepest obligation to Karl, and faithfulest love to Lady-friend ! — Richard Wagner.
Richard Wagner
Source: Richard Wagner to Mathilde Wesendonck, translated by Ellis, No. 91