Vienna, Sept. 28, 61. Kaiserin Elisabeth Weihburg Gasse. O my noble glorious child ! — Almost I ought to write down nothing else to-day, than that ejaculation, for all that I could add thereto is immaterial ! Music is turning the whole of me into an exclamatory being, and the sign thereof, at bottom, is the only punctuation to suffice me, when once I leave my tones ! 'Tis the old enthusiasm, too, apart from which I can't subsist; and sufferings, troubles, ay, peevishness, ill-temper, all take on this fanatical tinge with me, — which surely also is the reason why I give so much distress to others ! — See ! What can they not bring to pass in Zurich ? One might ransack Vienna, Paris and London, to find aught in photography to touch what your Herr Keller has achieved !* Ah, child, how beautiful you are! No words can breathe it ! ! By God ! this heart is fit to be a dwelling-place for kings : the poorest beggar who resides therein must feel his head upsoaring to the clouds! — And the birth-pangs of the highest birth are written also on these cheeks that once had smiled so child-like !— Eh ! God, too, dwells within the child ! — Ye there, obeisance deep ! ! Do you think to-day a little late, to bring my thanks? — But it is only to-day, that I can get at last to anything. I'm just resurging from all sorts of worries, of which the queenly dame must hear the leastest little. Moreover, I have moved again ! An acquaintance who had placed his home at my disposal hitherto — since he was away .with all his family — is coming back immediately; and as the luck never falls to unlucky me, to light on decent hospitality (I must except the kind Prussian ambassador in Paris), nothing remained but to tuck myself into an inn again. So I am quartering here for some months, and here have I at last unpacked my little flying — Dutchman's — chattels ; among which the big green portfolio has also come to light once more. I had kept it locked up since Lucerne; so I hunted out the key, to take a good look at my treasure again. Heavens, my feelings ! Two photographs, the birthplaces of Tristan : the Green Hill with the Asyl, and the Venetian palace. And then the birth-leaves with first sketches, curious embryos ; the dedicatory verses, too, wherewith I sent the finished pencil-sketches of the first act to the child : how I rejoiced -in these verses, they're so pure and true ! The pencilling of the song— I found that too — whence sprang the Nightscene : God knows, this song [Tmume] has pleased me better than the whole proud scene ! Heavens, it's finer than all I have made ! It thrills me to my deepest nerve, to hear it ! — And to carry such an omnipresent after-feeling in one's heart, without one's being overjoyed ! ! How were that possible ? — I locked the portfolio nice and fast again ; * but the latest letter with the likeness, I opened that once more : — and out came my ejaculation ! ! Forgive, forgive me ! — I'll exclaim no more! — And least of all should I do it now, when I'm addressing my lines to you at Dusseldorf, whither you have gone to tend a poor sick mother ! — How deeply the thought distresses me, that I can be of no comfort whatever to her ! I have to thank her for something so ineffable — and perhaps my very name must not be spoken in the patient's presence ! This I fear in all modesty, as you may well believe ! ! But on the day when you see her just after my letter, do tell her that you wish her patience, convalescence and recovery, from a doubled heart ! — Now I'm to look forward to the 20th of October, am I not? — I am thinking of all the fine things which I mean to prepare for the pair of you here: the Holländer and Lohengrin you shall hear at once and frequently, and even of the Tristan there is hope now. My singer's in possession of his voice again, full of hope and zeal ; so the study is at last to commence in real earnest. Now, my blessing on you, dear ones ! Many kind wishes to Otto and the children — who are with you, I presume. All that is noble and eternal to the Queen ! R. W. [Here a letter is obviously missing ; see Frau Mathildis of October 23. About a week after receipt of the last-named Wagner must have paid the Wesendoncks the brief Venice Paris period — cf. pp. 177 and 184. This " big green portfolio," which " she sent me once to Venice " (p. 307), must not be confounded with that other locked portfolio he bought for himself at Geneva (p. 34), the fate whereof is so dark a riddle. — For the references to the Tristan sketches etc., see pages 16-17, 58, 80, 307, and 314. — Tr. PARIS LETTERS 28 K j visit recorded below, then returned to Vienna, only to find it useless to wait any longer for the " return of a tenor voice into the throat" of his sole available Tristan.— Tr.]
Richard Wagner
Source: Richard Wagner to Mathilde Wesendonck, translated by Ellis, No. 123