Penzing, Dec. 1 5, 63. A mere brief note ! I have been back since the evening of the 9th inst. Arrival in the dwelling which Fate has assigned me as home had a tristely comforting effect on me. Everything was warm and snug, Franz and Anna [Mrazek] pleased to see me, no ill befallen ; only Pohl had so fretted at my absence that he really was much aged. It was an odd feeling, to be surrounded with familiar beings and objects not an atom whereof I knew a year ago. The dismalest is my great exhaustion. This the upshot of my " art-tour " — that I cannot dream of either continuing or repeating it. Impossible to go to Russia ; but whatever's to become of me without that aid, I vacantly inquire. At Lowenberg I found a very good-natured man in the Prince, but unfortunately he is too old, and has been too much imposed on, to be able to be of use to me. At Breslau I found myself thoroughly shamed, and cut a very sorry figure in my own eyes,* — but an old acquaintance turned into a famous new ; Frau Wille's sister, Fr. v. Bissing, came to Lowenberg and Breslau for the concert. My great fatigue and agitation, for which she made most kind allowance, permitted no true freedom in our intercourse ; nevertheless, the few hours were of deep value for us both. Cornelius will come out every day to me, I hope, in spite of wind and weather. I am trying with singularly bitter pains to keep myself this Asyl. Let me hear good of you soon, and greet husband and children from the heart of Your R, Wagnen
Richard Wagner
Source: Richard Wagner to Mathilde Wesendonck, translated by Ellis, No. 144